When you were born the nurse slapped your mother.

Your face looks like it caught on fire and someone tried to put it out with a fork.

You fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.

Man, you’re so fat that when you shower your feet don’t get wet.

Your family is so poor that last week I saw your mum kicking a can down the street. I asked her what she was doing, and she said ‘moving’.

Before you came we were hungry. Now we’re fed up.

Your family tree must be a cactus ‘cos there are so many pricks.

Shut up. If I wanted to hear from an ass I would fart.

Just because your life is a joke it doesn’t make you funny.

Two wrongs don’t make a right. After all, your parents made you.

Out of 100 000 sperm you were the fastest?

Your birth certificate is an apology letter to the condom factory.