For me money is like sex: supposedly tonnes of it about, but I never seem to have any.
People are always asking whether I am a breast-man or an ass-man. It’s no mystery: everyone always tells me ‘you’re an ass, man.’
When I asked my wife to marry me, she was speachless. Couldn’t talk for an hour. Best hour of the last 30 years.
I used to work in a fast-food restaurants with the most disgusting chef I’ve ever seen. He used to press the burgers in his armpits, and you’d rather not know how he made the donuts.
The job application at Hooters is really easy. They just give you a bra and say ‘fill this out’.
What’s the difference between a tyre and 365 used condoms? One’s a Goodyear, and the other is a great year.
My wife and I had a fight because I thought she was cheating on me. I left and got a taxi. The driver asked ‘where to?’. I said ‘take me to where there is some action.’ He took me back to my house.
Why is sex like a game of bridge?
If you have a good hand, you don’t need a partner.